The door slammed. “Marty, is that you?” My head was buried beneath her kitchen sink playing pinball with the bottles of cleaning products.
“I swear if Gina stands me up one more time I am going to get a new tennis partner.”
I had been over at Marty’s house installing an under the sink hot water tap. Marty’s husband, who I’d taken to calling Mozart, was hopeless. He couldn’t screw in a Phillip’s head screw if his life depended on it because he’s scared to death of injury to his hands. Mike is a piano player in a bar and wedding covers combo. Marty stood over me and I took the opportunity to scan her beautiful legs from this low angle. Marty followed my eyes up to hers. She gave me a peculiar look.
“Maybe I can help you.”
“Thanks, but I am just about finished. I love the company though. You’re certainly improving my view.”
“Why thank you, Freddy. We aim to please. Is the water on?” Marty said as she stepped closer to me to reach for the spigot.
Water’s on; all joints tested tight. No leaks.”
“Hmmm, are you sure about that?” I don’t know if she was being cautious or just giving me a long look but she opened the tap to the slowest trickle and ran the water over her fingers.
“Marty, could you turn on both taps like that? I’ll snoop around for any leaks I might have missed.”
Marty laughed softly, “I’ll bet you will.”
From my position I had an unobstructed view of Marty’s gorgeous lower carriage. Even though the install was done I fiddled with this and that to maintain my point of view. Marty squeezed her thighs together like a little girl and leaned forward over the sink giving me an improved look.
“Freddy, Hurry up this warm water is making me have to pee. Then you’ll really have a leak on your hands.”
Marty heard my under-my-breath comment. “What was that, Freddy?”
“Nothing, Marty.”
“No, Freddy. You said something. What did you say?”
I sighed. She kneeled down beside me; she softly held my chin in her wet hand and turned my eyes up to hers. “Freddy, what did you say when I said the warm water was going to make me have to pee? I really want to know.”
“I said, don’t tempt me.”
Marty held my eyes for a long pause; She seemed lost in thought then she slowly stood up and stepped back so we could maintain eye contact.
“Freddy, I’ve got a deal for you.”
“Uh huh
“You know how we feel about each other? I mean you know you have always liked me. You flirt with me continuously. You’ve done it since we first knew each other.”
“That’s simple, Marty, You are a beautiful woman.”
“Thank you Freddy but I mean you feel strongly about me don’t you?”
“Yes, Marty. I feel strongly about you. Where is this going? You want to elope?”
“That sounds nice, Freddy but I don’t think Mike or Greta would appreciate that.” The mention of my wife brought an ice icicle of reality to the situation. My flirting had gotten me into enough trouble over my married years.
“Hmmm. Okay then, just a simple little affair. You know, Tuesday afternoons—little cheesy motel, maybe handcuffs and a blindfold”
“Freddy stop joking about this; I am serious. I’ve known you along time. We’ve been through a ton together. You stuck with me through my divorce. Christ, I lived with you and Greta for a year till I got back on my feet. I think of you as … my big brother.”
“Oh great…your brother.” All my life I’ve always been great at establishing plutonic friendships with the best looking women I know. Call me lucky… Call it a knack.
“Well not a blood brother—more like a sole brother.”
“Okay, I like that better. Just call me Da Godfatha or Papa. “I Feel Good”. I started beat boxing a few bars of James Brown’s “Like A Sex Machine.”
Just as I was beginning to dig the damp, moldy acoustics inside the cabinet Marty snapped me out of my rhythm. “Freddy. Listen to me.”
“OK Mart, What do you have in mind?”
“Freddy, You know how you’re attracted to me?”
“Wha-what?”
“Oh come on, it’s so obvious. You have always behaved around me like …like you like me.”
“I do like you, Marty. I have always liked you.”
“No. I mean like you…want me. …Like you want to fuck me.”
I’d known her for years and she could still stop me cold with these fowl balls. Marty was so pretty and wholesome; you would never expect it when she would drop a show-stopper like this.
“Fuck!” cracking my head on the trap pipe; stars circling before my eyes, “Marty! Marty, wait a minute; where is this going?”
“Freddy, You are frustrated. You want to have sex with me; I know that. I’m frustrated too.
So…you want to have sex with me; why didn’t you just say that? -- Never one to let a gambit go un-played.
“No, well… yes, but it wouldn’t work. We both have too much to …”
“Bingo! And that is why I flirt with you, Marty. It’s as close as I’ll ever get to fucking you. It’s like getting to have all the fun without any of the …emotional calories. ”
“Do you ever jerk off to me, Freddy?”
My head took another bounce off the side of the cabinet. “What?”
You know—Do you ever fantasize that you are …with me while you’re playing with yourself?
“ahhhh, No.”
“Oh, that was convincing. You have never lay in bed and stroked your cock thinking about me?”
“Unh uh. I mean not that I don’t find you incredibly sexy… If I thought about you that way.”
“Freddy, have you ever imagined it was me you were fucking when you were making love to Greta?”
“Uhhhhh.”
“Fred-dy? Come on. I wouldn’t think it was weird. I’d actually feel incredibly complimented…if I knew you pulled your cock and thought of me.”
“Alright. Yes.”
“Yes what, Freddy?”
“Yes what? —What?”
“I want to hear you say it, Freddy.”
“Alright. I did. I mean I do…. once in a while”
“You do? Tell me more, Freddy. I want to hear you say it. I want to hear the words. I love the words Freddy—the dirtier the better.”
“Marty? Let me ask you something. When you were living with us…”
“Yes.”
“Sometimes when you were out I would go in your room.”
“Did you look for my panties?”
“Marty. Wait, I am serious now. Once I was looking for something under your bed.”
“Let’s see…” pretty head cocked to the side; one finger on her chin and the other pointed off in space, “…Now what could he have been looking for…say, my dust ball collection?”
“Well, I found your vibrator under there and a tube of rocket lube. And it was not some little battery job either. It was a solid looking thing with a power cord.”
“My Hitachi Magic Wand…I still have it.”
“It was a serious looking piece of machinery.”
“I can’t believe you did that, Frederick. That is incredible. I bet you were looking for my dirty panties. Weren’t you? Did you find them? Did you hold them to your lips—breath in my scent?”
“No. I didn’t find your panties.”
“Oh yeah! I bet you didn’t.
“ Not under the bed anyway. I found them in your closet. In the hamper.”
“And…?”
“I…”
“You what, Freddy?”
“OK…I smelled them.”
“Come on, Fred. It’s out now. The devil is in the details. Don’t clam up on me now. I want to hear all about it.”
“OK, I feasted on them. I buried my face in them. I inhaled the musky smell so deep I could taste you. I think I cleaned them better than if you sent them to the Laundromat.”
“You licked my panties?”
“I sucked them inside and out. And when they didn’t smell and taste like you anymore I wrapped them around my cock and …”
“Where you naked…in my room?”
“Huh?”
“Where you naked or did you just open your pants and jerk off with my panties?”
“…Naked. I was naked. On your bed…I was naked and laying on top of your mussed up bed. You never made your bed, Marty. You were kind of a slob.”
“Completely?”
“No you kept the place nice. It was just your clothes and the …”
“NO! I mean, were you completely naked or just your pants?”
“Sometimes I would just drop my trow around my ankles if I was worried about time. But most of the time I would completely strip…make a big production out of it—you always had really nice lotions.”
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