We started getting in the pool as soon as he got home and I would let him press it between my hips as he held my breasts. I would get so horny. I guess he enjoyed it too. I finally reached behind me one afternoon and touched it. It was so stiff. I remember being surprised how stiff it was. I told him I wanted him to just place it between my legs so I could look down and see what it would look like if I had one. Instead, he touched it on my girly place and I jumped away.
That's when we had to talk. I told him we would never actually do it but he could place it between my legs and I would squeeze it with my thighs. He agreed. My brother always did what I asked. We began playing again for a while but soon I wanted to feel it touch my love button. I didn't want him to know what I was doing. I moved around on him until it was in just the right place. I only had to wiggle a little to feel what I wanted. That night, I needed private time in my room to finished what he had started. Our afternoon activities remained like this for a few more weeks. I knew he wanted to go further but I also knew how wrong that would be.
It was getting toward the end of the summer and my parents were taking their first vacation alone since I was born. It was only a weekend, but my brother and I would be alone. I was going to be in charge. I told him we could play in the pool late into the night. Both of us were looking forward to it. I decided that if he tried to go inside me, I was going to let him for a few seconds to see what it felt like.
My parents finally left late that afternoon and it was very stormy. I was too scared to go into the pool in that weather. We ended up watching TV and I made us some snacks. We sat on the couch and my brother and I began the biggest making-out session we had ever had. The power went off from the storm and we had no lights. He was cute and a great kisser. What else does a 19-year-old girl need? All at once, he pulled my bra and my top up and my breasts fell out. My brother began kissing my breasts. He had never done that but it must have been my motherly instincts that made me feel so good inside. It was like I was nursing a baby. I wished I could have lactated for him. My breasts were hot and tingling. He laid his head my lap continued touching me. I wanted him to stop and I wanted him to keep going.
Finally, he rested and turned his head under my skirt. I was so embarrassed. I knew I was leaking a little from being so turned on. Then I realized he was licking me and I helped him pull my panties down. We were not saying anything to each other. He began pulling his pants down but I didn't try to stop him. He started rubbing my love button with it. I never had been with a guy but I knew I was so ready to feel it inside me. He kept poking me with it but I wanted him to find my girly place and push it in me. It felt so close to the right place but he just was poking me. It wasn't going inside me. I wanted him to do me so bad. I spread my legs, arched my back, and was timing his pokes so I could just thrust myself at him on the next poke. It went in so fast and I was on fire. I was burning there and I could feel myself leaking. I was bleeding. It stung but felt so good at the same time. He had torn my flower.
The stinging stopped and I finally began enjoying what was happening to me. I told him he had to stop before he did it inside me. I was sure I wasn't fertile but if he came, this would be incest. Incest isn't right. I didn't want to do incest. He promised he would stop and told me we should enjoy this as long as we can. I knew I could trust my brother. He was humping me so hard. I was sweating and screaming. We both were breathing so hard. Then he just stopped. I asked him if he needed to take it out. He said it didn't matter now. He admitted to me that he had emptied it inside me.
I had this hot and scary feeling come over me. I had committed incest. I was so upset that I began to cry. I finally started to calm down. I guess I knew that I had been incestuous long before this point with him. I began thinking about when my next period was and I got scared again. I was recalculating the days from when I started my last period. It was my 14th day. How did I miscalculate this before? I realized I might be conceiving at that very moment. I was thinking "no, no, no".
He began licking me again and I forgot about everything except that I was about to have an orgasm. My first real orgasm with a real guy. I began to come. I was so excited I pee'd a little. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop him or myself. I was naked, being made-love to by my little brother, bleeding, peeing, and possibly conceiving. I was way out of control. He held me all night as we slept on the couch.
I was so scared the next day that my brother and I barely even spoke to each other. The lights were working and I was still leaking a bit. I had to clean the blood, my juices, his juices, and my pee off the couch before my parents got home. I was already worrying about the possibility of carrying my brother's baby.
As the days went by, I started thinking about what if I was pregnant. I would have moments where my mind would be racing 100 miles per hour. What would my dad say? What would mom say? I told myself that I would never tell anyone whose child it was. Could I keep it from them? I can't really be pregnant. I just kept thinking about these things over and over again.
On the morning when I was supposed to start my period, a completely new scare came over me. It all was becoming very real to me. I was not starting. I was no longer concerned about what my parents would say, but much more interested in what was I going to go through. Was I pregnant? What would it feel like? What would happen to my body? Would it be a boy or girl? Day after day, I would ask myself these questions and I worried. I told myself that if I wasn't pregnant, I would never do this again. I had never wished that my period would start before, but I was wishing this time. Finally I started! I was 10 days late for my period that month.
Ten years have passed. My brother and I still make love on occasion when we can both get away from our spouses. It has never been as great as it was that stormy summer night in 1995. However, I love him. I hope you think about the destiny that you may be creating for yourself long before you follow the path that I am totally responsible for taking.