"I wonder if you would -- I mean -- are you seeing anyone?"
"Why do you ask?" Her tone was cautious.
"Would you like to go see a movie," he blurted.
"Sure. I thought you'd never ask. Whaddya want to go see?"
Jason laughed. He rubbed a hand over his face. "I don't know," and a big goofy grin spread across his features. "I didn't think of that."
She giggled and squeezed his hand with her small one. Laughing, they went in search of the movie listings.
***
A lovers' moon shone down as they walked home from the theater. In the dark, the autumn leaves seemed to have a stronger scent. Jason wanted to take Josie by the hand, but after what had happened during the film, he hesitated.
At one point he had settled his arm around her petite shoulders. Josie froze. She leaned forward, turned toward him, and lifted his arm away. She didn't say anything. In the dim light, Jason could not interpret the look on her face, but he got the message. Her response was clearly a negative one.
Now he tried to make small talk about the actors, but the words died on his lips. He was kicking himself for trying to touch her. Obviously this was a sensitive part of her life. Maybe there was physical pain, too. Maybe he should have asked first, or waited longer...
Josie detected his silent funk, and swallowed. "Hey," she touched his sleeve. "Want to have a seat?" She gestured at a nearby bench.
Jason's eyebrows lifted. "Ah, sure."
He sat down, and Josie circled around, placing herself as if they were sitting in an old-fashioned loveseat. She twisted a little to face him.
"I wanted to explain."
He waved a hand of dismissal. "You don't owe me anything, Josie."
She smiled. "I know. That's one of the things I like about you, you don't make me feel pressured. But I would like to..."
Here, she paused, collecting her words. By no means did she intend to tell him everything. But she did like him, and she wanted to -- to --
Jason waited.
"I like you," she nodded at him. "Please understand I'm very sensitive about my back."
"I understand. I'd never want to do anything to make you uncomfortable."
"So it's okay, all right? I don't want you to go around worrying, like you did something wrong, or something." She looked at him intently.
Jason looked into her face. He lost all coherent thought. Without thinking, he leaned forward, and kissed her.
Josie met his soft kiss, and after a moment, returned it. Lightly she dipped her tongue into his mouth, inviting him. A thrill coursed through Jason's body. He kissed her with more passion. He wanted to touch her, but wasn't sure how.
Josie took his hands, and guided them to her waist. She pulled back for a moment. "Here," she said as if reading his thoughts, "touch me here."
Carefully, as if handling fine crystal, Jason caressed Josie below her ribs. In his arms she felt so slender and light, so fragile. She surprised him by leaning her body into his; her arms wrapped around him fully. He dared to reach around to the small of her back. There was some kind of softness there, and a quivering. He made his touch very gentle.
He spoke into her delicate ear, telling her how beautiful she was. Her breasts pressed against his chest. He wished they weren't wearing jackets, or even clothes at all. How sweet it would be to feel her diminutive body against his, with nothing between them.
By now Jason had an erection. He was dying to caress her body more extensively but was loathe to push her too far. So he pulled away, kissing the side of her face as he retreated.
"God, Josie. You do know how to make a man crazy."
"I don't mean to." She offered him a smile, eyebrows lifted a bit. "I'd really like to talk to you."
***
Jason did not get back to his room until well after midnight. Predictably, his roommate was still up, drinking beer and watching porn.
"How was your date with the humpback!" he guffawed. "Did ya hump her?"
Jason fixed him with a cold eye. "Shut up."
Todd staggered up from the computer. "I'll say whatever the hell I want. I'm not the one dating a fucking crip."
Swift as a striking snake, Jason hooked his heel around the back of Todd's knee. Todd crashed to his knees with a look of surprise. "What the fuck—"
Jason pushed the older man's chest to the floor, shoved his arm up between the shoulder blades. He grabbed Todd's nose.
"I swear to God, I'll snap it."
Todd whined. He had underestimated Jason. "Okay!" he gasped. "I'll lay off, man, get off me!"
Jason lifted his knee out of his roommate's back. "Don't you ever talk about her again."
Breathing heavily, he let Todd go.
Without another word, he stalked into the bedroom, stripped to his briefs, and climbed into the top bunk. He forced his anger aside -- his roommate was a jerk, not worth thinking about. Instead he returned, willfully, to his conversation with Josie.
"How did you manage it?" he asked. They were at ease with one another now.
"My parents intervened. I still had to take gym class, but I got the shower to myself."
Jason thought about this for a moment. They had walked down to the grotto, and were sitting side by side on a gentle hill, enjoying the starlight.
"And I've been dying to ask, why did you come to Notre Dame? You must have known what people would say."
"My father is an alum. I've actually been visiting this campus for years. It's a good school, and in the end, I took a leap of faith. I feel like, at a certain level, this community values compassion. It just has to."
The two sat in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the sounds of night. Small creatures spoke their non-human language. A light wind caressed a nearby tree, and the leaves made a sound like rustling linens.
"I'm sorry you had to put up with so much crap."
"It's okay. After a while you learn that there are some people who are just small-minded, and there are others who are real human beings. You're one of the latter, you know," she finished.
"I'm glad. Listen, Josie --"
She waited, listening, while he tried to find a way to speak his feelings.
"I'd like you to -- to see only me. Would that be all right?"
"Yeah," she smiled in the darkness. "I'd like that a lot. Does that go both ways?"
"Yeah," he turned to her and kissed her. It seemed the most natural thing then, to lie down on the breast of the earth. Jason fingered the wisps at the nape of Josie's neck. He could not get over how soft her hair was.
"You're so sweet," he murmured. "I'm sorry there are so many jerks in the world."
Thinking of her now, of her tender kiss, Jason let his hand drift down below his waist. "Josie," he mumbled as he touched himself. "Make love with me, Josie. I want you."
***
Jason courted Josie as well as he knew how. Though he was only nineteen, he had been raised by loving parents, and his gut instinct was good: treat others with kindness, courtesy and respect. He worked hard to give her the best part of himself.
The young woman responded in kind. It was an unavoidable fact that, due to her deformity, she had witnessed some of the uglier sides of human behavior. So it was that her new boyfriend's humane ways soon won her over. Long ago she had been able to tell when someone was just feeling sorry for her. Jason's authenticity was clear, and attractive.
She soon knew that she wanted to be with him sexually, but she was terribly nervous; terribly afraid. Would he find her to be freakish? After considerable thought, she hit upon a plan: she would sleep with him (presuming he would want to) just before the mid-semester break in October. That way, if he hated the sight of her, they would both be leaving campus for while. The break would give them both some time to cool things down. It would make a kind of chronological safety net.
She took a short weekend home, to see the family doctor.
The second week in October seemed to rush toward Josie, and take forever at the same time. Sometimes after being with Jason, she masturbated, thinking of him. What would he be like in bed? She rather thought he would be the same man she knew: loving and warm. Still, when she considered explicitly what sex with him might feel like, she held her breath. She even prayed. Please, God, don't let him be grossed out by the sight of me. Amen.
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